Oh look...what an idiot.

I had a piano recital today.
It was...bad.
I had to play a prelude which isn't too too hard but still above my level. It was doable and i practiced a LOT.
Finally i could play it decently and i didn't mess up. So i figured i was ready.
Everyone played wonderfully, perfectly. I got up there and played the beginning fine but when i got to the middle where it was a little tough i totally screwed up. i could've sworn that was what i was supposed to play but i guess not. so i tried to find the next note, then the next note, then the next. i ended up skipping the whole middle chunk of the song. i played the end fine.
i was the only one who messed up.
afterwards i wanted to kick myself. i played perfectly fine at home...what did i do wrong?? how the heck did i manage to screw up so badly?? and it wouldn't have been so bad but my teacher acted all disappointed and embarrassed. everyone came up to me and said "you have talent" "it was a beautiful song" "way to work it through" "your fingers have amazing dexterity" "we know how you feel" "been there too" haha whatever. just go ahead and tell me how awful i was.
i practiced so much and i played FINE at home. ugh. problem is i'm not very good at reading notes so i memorize the keys. then when i have a recital or something i play on some crappy piano and the keys look different, the spaces are bigger or smaller and my fingers don't recognize it cuz they memorized it different. soooo i screw up and make an idiot out of myself.
such an idiot.
oh well, enough of that. the guys wore cowboy boots and i could've fell at my knees and hugged them. hehe i have an obsession for cowboy boot-wearing guys. lol. and there were cookies, and lemonade, and cowboy boots...it wasn't that bad. oh yah, did mention that i looked like an idiot??